Missed Opportunities

When did I give up?  Was it on a Monday, or possibly a Wednesday?  Did the thought occur to me one morning on my drive to work, or was it during an episode of insomnia in the quiet hours when all others are sleeping?   When did I finally convince myself that I am no good at photography?  When did I finally admit to myself that I have no true talent for this medium?  When did I decide to accept the idea that the praise of others about my work is false and mere pandering so that I might return the favor?   Does it really matter when it happened?  No, not really. 

What has it cost me?  Joy.  Sounds like a silly word, but that pretty much sums it up.  The joy I used to experience in creating images, talking about images, encouraging others and making connections with like minded photographers. 

It occurred just this month.  It is as easy as not responding to an email or comment from another photographer...a missed connection.  What have I cost myself?....I may never know. 

Life has a funny way of working out though.  By some sequence of events beyond my knowing, I have an opportunity to make a connection that I had chosen to pass up just a short while ago.  Not a believer in fate or destiny, I don't believe "it happened for a reason".  But I do believe that I will take advantage of this 2nd chance.  I will let it serve as a reminder to me that joyful experiences are out there if I choose to participate.  I will now commit to not comparing myself to others in the world of photography but rather endeavor to learn from them and continue to explore my own creative motivations.

Thanks for bringing me back.  I've missed being here. 

Comments

[Derrick]

Random check of a bookmark and here I am. Good to see you are back as I enjoyed reading your posts.

[Chuck]

Thanks Derrick...its nice to hear that I wasn't talking to myself all this time. I am looking forward to writing/posting again. Thanks for sharing in the experience.

Chuck

[Lawrence]

Checked back for the first time in a while...

a wry smile as i read this... funny because i spent the past week going over (and over) your urban melancholy images thinking how awesome that project was, and still is. it's a rare beast that stands a test of time in this day and age.

i recently migrated my blog to wordpress - nearly killed me but all the links are preserved. i wrote about "narrative photography" - talked about you (again) as a primary inspiration.

i want to know more about what you were thinking when you wrote this - and where you went after.

this post is fascinating - and needs a punctuation mark.